１２月３０に書いたエッセイを書き直してみました。時間はかかりますが、かなり勉強になります。

Independent 真経④－２

2014.12.30

2015.1.1　revised 

 

Agree or Disagree

 

The government should invest more money in children’s education than in college students.

     Education is one of the most important factors in the development of a country. Therefore, the government plans very carefully where and how they will use their education budget. Some people argue that it is more important to provide a capital for children’s education rather than ones for college students. However, I firmly believe that the government should enlarge a budget for college students’ education. I feel this way for two reasons: financial aspects and students’ health. 77

 

     First, when it comes to money, it is more important to support college students. In a sense, it is true that education at early ages is necessary. However, in my country, from elementary school to high school, everything is free of charge. On the other hand, college tuition is so expensive that not everyone can get into college. This is unfair because only the rich can enjoy education at college. As society is getting more complex, the way of taking a job has changed. It was not necessary to go to college to get a job in the past, but now people need to get at least a college degree to find a full-time job. Also, not only the rich but also the poor should maintain the right to gain education, which leads to equality of opportunity. In order to achieve these, the government should make tuition cheaper, build affordable dormitories and create new scholarships so that even the poor can afford to get higher education. 166

 

enjoy/get/gain education

have/maintain/enjoy the right to V

create/set up/ establish

 

 

 

     Second, as far as students’ health is concerned, investing in college students is more important. Some people might say that children need to eat well-balanced food served by school. However, most children in my country have meals made by parents. On the other hand, college students normally live apart from their parents, and they tend to develop the bad eating habit. From studying hard to getting a good job, there is nothing more important than being healthy. Suppose college student are unhealthy, can they concentrate on lectures? They cannot unless they are healthy. And what if they do not work out? It would be impossible to keep fit. How come companies want to hire such unhealthy fatty students? If dining halls at college serve well-balanced meals, students will not have such health issues. Also, if the college gymnasium with state-of-the-art equipment has good instructors who can teach students how to work out and eat properly in order to maintain good health, most students will utilize those convenient facilities, leading to student’s good health. Although it costs a lot to attain these, there are a lot of advantages like I mentioned above. Therefore, the government should spend more money letting college students stay healthy.　202

 

develop the habit of Ving

get/fall into habit of Ving

 

 

Total 445

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